Baby steps, love yourself

Sometimes we wonder how different life would be
if we had made different choices.
If we had protected ourselves a little more.
If we had said “no” sooner.
If we had chosen ourselves without guilt.
If we loved ourselves more.

Some of us grow up believing that if we are kind enough, generous enough, understanding enough… everything will be okay.
That if we treat others the way we want to be treated,
the world will return the same energy.

But the world doesn’t always work that way.

There comes a quiet moment when you realize
that giving and receiving are not always equal.
That loving does not guarantee being loved.
And being kind does not protect you from being hurt.

Going back in time

My ten years younger self didn’t know who I would become.
If she did, she would also learn something difficult:
That she wouldn’t always receive what she gives.

She believed that “treat others the way you want to be treated” would protect her.
But it didn’t.
Because not everyone lives that way.
Because she never allowed herself to need the same care she offered.

She gave without asking.
She understood without showing.
She stayed strong, even when she was tired, so another tired soul could get the help they needed.

If she knew the future, she might still make the same mistakes.
She might still give too much.
She might still stay quiet when she should speak.

But maybe she would say “no” more.
Maybe she would focus more on what she wants.
I know she still wouldn’t ask for help even if she knew the future.

But she can’t know.
And I can’t go back.

Realizing

All I can do is sit here , ten years later,
realizing that it wasn’t only the world that failed her.
She also didn’t know how to protect herself.

If I could send her one message, it would be simple:

Love yourself more.
Be kind to yourself.

Other people may not always protect your feelings.
They may not always notice your effort.

But you are here.
And you know and notice yourself.
So you must care for yourself.
Not selfishly.
But quietly.

The way you water a plant and wait for it to grow.
The way you sit by a fire and let it warm you slowly.

We cannot go back and undo what we did, or do what we didn’t.
We cannot rewrite the moments we stayed silent.
But we can begin again.

Healing is not something that crashes to your life.
It arrives quietly,
In the first time you pause instead of exhausting yourself,
the first time you speak instead of swallowing your needs,
the first time you treat yourself with the same care you offer.

Start with baby steps…
Choose yourself gently…
And sometimes,
let someone choose you too,

Maybe that is enough…
Maybe loving yourself; again and again,
is how everything begins to mend.

-Lab Keeper 🌸